I will not die an unlived life...

Dear friends,

Today is an emotional day for me. I'm not sure why yet. Maybe tomorrow I will know why I was so emotional today. Every so often I go through these patches in my life when I slow down, when I want to be left alone, and just be with 'me'. Now that sounds pretty normal to have times like this in one's life. No?

The only trouble with that is that it's slightly harder to just be emotional, or even sad within relationship. Or rather, that's how it is for me. It's on days like these that I have to make sure that I stay present within myself, enough to be able to show up in my relationship with Becs. So what do I do?

Well for starters, I have a collection of poems and inspirational sayings that I draw on every so often when I am sad, or down. And today, the one that comes to mind is this fantastic poem by Dawna Markova titled, I will not die an unlived life.

I will not die an unlived life.
I will not live in fear
of falling or catching fire.

I choose to inhabit my days,
to allow my living to open me,
to make me less afraid,
more accessible,
to loosen my heart
until it becomes a wing,
a torch, a promise.

I choose to risk my significance;
to live so that which came to me as seed
goes to the next as blossom
and that which came to me as blossom,
goes on as fruit.

Dawna's poem silenced me when I first read it. It shook me to my core. It reminded me of the beautiful gift of life and love. And before I start getting soppy, let me also say that it has offered me many opportunities to pass it on to and inspire others.

So, in my emotional state, I am reflecting on how I can be "less afraid, more accessible." Can I trust enough that somehow things in my life will work out right now? And if I am more accessible, does it mean being transparent about my fears also? Maybe. So what am I so afraid of anyway?

I'm afraid of living fully. I'm afraid of dying young. I'm afraid of fighting with my girlfriend. I'm afraid of letting my parents down. I'm afraid of being on a boat on the open ocean. I'm afraid of being overly enthusiastic about things that excites me. So there you are, and there's many more.

So this poem then is apt for today. It's apt because it asks of me to not "die and unlived life." If I allow my fears to constantly be my 'Achilles heel', will that not prevent me from 'living'?

So maybe all of this writing was necessary. And maybe there is more. But this is it for now. You can be sure that I'll have another day like this. When that happens, it will be the next installment of "Ali's Life"!

Until then, peace and love!


Alistar